I got off the flight in pain. My friend Nathan had found me an acupuncturist who was going to meet me at the house in LA.
I was longing for those little needles to break down the spasm. The acupuncturist arrived carrying only a bag with her. “Err, don’t you bring a table with you?” She looked a bit confused. “No, I have everything I need here.”
We went into the bedroom, she unzipped her bag and took out one of those things you hang IV drips from. “What’s that for?” I asked. “It’s where I will hang the IV drip from.” “Wait, what? You are an acupuncturist, right?” “Oh no, I’m here to give you a vitamin drip.”
“What on earth is a vitamin drip and where were the needles?” After a slight tussle, she persuaded me to lie down and be quiet. The weird little drip bag thing was going to help me.
I was going to feel completely reenergized and without pain.
On Friday, I tried again, this time for safety’s sake I actually went to the office of an acupuncturist. It was filled with cactuses and little water fountains and sleepy music and lots of crystals, which I did not touch (back in the office, I had touched Rebecca’s crystal, it was on her desk. I thought it was a half-eaten ham quiche. A mistake anyone could make. “Oh, it’s a crystal,” I said when I got closer, I picked it up “Yes” said Rebecca “it’s to help me stay calm in the work space” “Oh no, was I not meant to touch it?” I asked. “Its ok,” she said politely. “I can wash it with a salt solution.”). The acupuncturist made me fill out lots and lots of forms: Did I eat sugar? Did I travel a lot? Did I get enough sleep? Was my job stressful?…I ate some chocolate just to get through the forms.
I went into the acupuncturists room. She had a bed. “I’m going to start with the needles and then move onto the cups.”
Cups? What cups?
Cupping she explained, was going to help me. I was going to feel completely reenergized and without pain.
As I walked out of the acupuncturists office I saw a little green man covered in clover leaves and shamrock sunglasses flashing a St. Paddy’s Day sign. “This way. This way. This way,” said the sign.
“By any chance, do you sell any sea creature costumes?” I asked him.
“This way, this way, this way,” said the man pointing to the store.
And there it was, the black mermaid costume, just waiting for me.
Now, creating a sea creature creation on 3 hours of sleep, after the 5 hour red eye flight had its challenges, but a hot glue gun, sea shells, seaweed collected from our beach, and a very, very enthusiastic Domino set me straight. Pretty soon we were ready for Michelle’s birthday, and we had a lot to live up too. She was going as a gigantic pink squid.
As I slipped on the mermaid tail, white wig, and glittered mask, Domino squealed. “Ugh, what are those horrible cup marks on your back?”